Friends don't get friends BAD SHOWS

Part of being a musician is getting out and performing in front of new people. On this path there are many obstacles, and much suffering. Here are some tips for people moonlighting as "promoters" and show "organizers".  I hope these tips make things a little bit easier for all of us.

First, let's establish what a "show" is.

• A show has an audience - let's be conservative and say 20 strangers make up an audience. A smaller audience is OK, if  ALL other criteria are met.
• You are compensated for a show - Ass, gas, or grass, no one should play for free. If you're organizing a "show" you need to establish a "guarantee". Forty bucks is on the extreme low end, but any guarantee is better than no guarantee. A guarantee helps a band to decide if a show is worth the drive. "A little gas money" is OK only if ALL other criteria are met.

Food & Drinks

• Bands should not have to pay for drinks. Tell ya what - instead of giving us half price drinks all night, hows about you just give us one or two free drinks up front. I understand that liquor isn't cheap, so I don't mind paying if ALL other criteria are met.
• I don't expect you to feed me but I do expect you to know if we get a discount on food, what that discount is and failing that, where I can can get some good cheap food in your godforsaken town.

PA and other Gear

• There has to be PA system provided and it has be made after 1994 - that's the year Kurt died, and any PA older than that is not gonna cut it, people. This is a must - NO EXCEPTIONS.
• Unless I ask you, I don't wanna use your drums, amps or anything else, thanks, though. If ALL other criteria are met I will play a Flying V for all I care.

Scheduling

• Get the schedule figured out. Don't tell me that "load-in" is at  five if the venue opens its doors at eight. Don't say sound check is at 6 if there is no sound check. Exceptions are made for starting later if we're waiting for a crowd to develop. Basically, I don't wanna hang around all day waiting for info. I'll wait a month for a good sound check if ALL other criteria are also met.
• The sets should get longer as the night goes on. The opening band should play for 15-30 minutes. The second band should play 30 minutes - 45 minutes. And the closing band should play for an hour to an hour and a half. If the opening band keeps playing - cut them off. They'll learn an important lesson about leaving the crowd wanting more. Let the audience decide if they want to hear "ONE MORE! ONE MORE! ONE MORE!" Just trust me on this one.

A "show" has a flow

• A good show is NOT like good buffet. A little variety is fine and dandy but for Christ's sake don't have an acoustic duo open for a metal band. A good show has a flow to it and usually ends with the band that makes people dance. I don't mind playing with a smelly punk band if ALL other criteria are met.

Promotion and Draw

• 10. If this is the first show you've ever promoted or the first show at this venue or the first show in your city - I want to know ahead of time. Do you realize that the premise of playing in another city is that a band will have the opportunity to play for new people, sell CDs, and maybe make a lasting connection with these "fans"? There is no point in driving 150 miles to play for 5 people. (See #1)